The Customer is Often Wrong

The single biggest issue with today's consumer: they can do no wrong.

Literally. Those five words have given the average human carte blanche to ride roughshod over these wretches that have volunteered their time to accept this abuse for paltry sums.

Oh, the five words. Of course: the customer is always right.

I beg to differ.

For this exercise, I will play the role of customer servant. Observe.

My fault: putting a can of spaghetti in the cereal aisle and leaving it there. You now have every right to make a huge stink. Knock yourself out. Get it out of your system. Whatever terrible, horrible nightmare of a day you've just experienced, please take it out on me. I have nothing better to do than taste your pain.

Your fault: Yelling at the cashier when something you thought was 3/99 cents is actually an entirely different price. She doesn't set the prices. She's a girl running a basic computer and thinking about everything else in the world OTHER than your issues with the baked beans. Yelling at her will only upset both of you, exacerbate the situation, and make everyone in the lineup behind you hate you. Maybe they'll hate you because they recognize an ugly side in themselves, but right then, they'll hate YOU.

My fault: giving you a short espresso when you ordered a venti mocha. Whoops-a-daisy. Let me just make you a new one, and inconvenience you for a few more moments. If you've got enough time in your day to consume 500 calories of chocolate, whole milk and whipped cream, you've got enough time for me to make it. Hold your horses.

Your fault: Taking a sip of your so-called 'dry' cappuccino and slamming it down on the counter in front of you with a disgusted 'I said a DRY cappuccino!' See above to find easy, painless solutions if you can only find the patience to make it happen. My name is not Jeeves. I am not your slave. I did not pledge fealty to you or your forebears, swearing my life into an endless drudge of servitude. I do not bring a tithe of grain to your manor once a month so that I may continue to dwell in my leprosy-stained hovel on your seven hundred thousand hectares of land. I work in a coffee shop. A clever little cup sits in front of the till with a thinly-veiled beg for tips hidden as a joke taped to its edge. You may give me your spare change (minus the twonies and loonies) if I ask you a personal question and show a reasonable amount of interest. Let's just get through this, shall we? Pack the yelling and anger back into your 'Stuff I Haven't Dealt With and Need to Take Out On Someone I Don't Care About' box, and take your 'dry' cappuccino back to your Acura.
Next time you come in for your 'dry' cappuccino, I think I'll put a handful of coffee grounds into the bottom of a cup and fart in it. Dry roasted, just for you.

The customer is often right. Bad signs, lazy service, someone having a bad day, and at the end of it all, you are the one paying for the stuff.

Complain. Complain away. If it makes you feel better, make a stink. Just don't keep complaining, berating, and yelling until someone else feels stupid. You know when you've done it, and if you get a sick little swell of satisfaction from it, you need more help than I can offer.

Now, who do I have to kill to get some service around here?